Jimmy's Journal
by chadinator2000
Summary: My name is Jim, but my friends call me Jimmy. I have decided to write about the interesting segments of my day. These include, but aren't limited to experiences, thoughts, and random things I notice as I go about my life. I've decided to write this because many interesting things happen on a day to day basis that I want to keep track of and share. Maybe someone will gain something


Introduction: My name is Jim, but my friends call me Jimmy. I just turned 17 and have decided to write about the interesting segments of my day. These include, but aren't limited to experiences, thoughts, and random things I notice as I go about my life. I've decided to write this because many interesting things happen on a day to day basis that I want to keep track of and share. Maybe someone will gain something from this, and if not, this could be something to keep you from the eternal clutches of boredom. I will write things that are personal, opinionated, and can possibly be biased. However my readers, I hope you will keep an open mind as you read. I'm only 17, reaching the start of my Adulthood. Judge if you must but don't be crass about it. Enjoy!

**Day 1:**

I am a weird guy. As I sit here thinking of the things that happened to me today and wonder on what I will share, I think to myself, "What is wrong with me?" You see my readers, I have many friends, if you can call them that. I like to hang out with people, preferably a group of people, for some time. It depends on the group and their personalities. For example, if their personalities, habits, and the things I experience when I'm with them are pleasurable, fun, or enjoyable, I tend to hang out with them for a longer time. If not, I tend to move on after a shorter time. A short amount of time would be defined as a week, two at most. A long amount of time would be three weeks or longer. However, after I come to understand the people I hang out with, I tend to lose the bonds I had formed. I wonder whether it is because I have grown used to them or I just need to get away from the usual things I do every day. After a while I drift back to a group that I've been with before and rekindle those bonds. But after some time, the process repeats and I move on.

Today's story begins about a year ago in school, I had met a group, consisting of two girls that I had hung out with, mostly at lunch because I didn't have any classes with them. Around them I could act how I wanted to, whether it was a cool serious guy or a clown that told the most ridiculous stories and jokes. I bonded with them, to the point that I would hang out with them every day at lunch for a majority of the year. Now you must be wondering, why did I hang out with them so long? Well, I myself am unsure. However I think that I didn't have to fill a role when I was with them. In other groups, I would mold myself to fit in; for some, I would be a quiet boy, not socializing with others, keeping to myself and listening to them. In others, I would be the one talking all the time, sharing stories and supplying the group with things to talk about. But with this group, I could do what I wanted, they didn't care and enjoyed my company no matter how I behaved. I felt free around them.

The next year at school, I was introduced to another person, a friend of theirs. Now it was me along with three girls. However, this new addition to the group was needy and latched on to everything she became involved with. I hadn't noticed at first, but as the months passed, I was pulled more and more into the inner workings of the group. I was invited to a Facebook chat group where the four of us talked. I had more classes with them in school where we would talk. I also hung out with them at lunch. For me, that is too much. I needed space. So I slowly backed out of the group, I would still get on the chat group but I wouldn't hang out with them at lunch every day. Now remember how I told you the new girl attaches to everything around her? Well she noticed and confronted me about it. We, the group, argued on Facebook for about an hour about various things. It ended up being three on one. Them versus me. They argued about my habits, the things I said, and how I wasn't there for them anymore. That argument was the beginning. As the argument progressed, I focused on each person separately and found every hole in their argument, everything they said that wasn't true about me, I asked for examples. Like one of them said that I was a liar and lied to them about everything. I asked for examples of the last time I lied to them, excluding the fanciful stories I made up to pass the time and create some fun for the group. Not one example could be named. One by one, their arguments were nullified. At the end of it all, I was done. I no longer wanted any part in their group. However the new girl begged me not to leave. She said that she wanted things to go back to normal. She had latched on to our group as it was before and wouldn't let it go. So I stayed. It was idiotic of me, I know that. But I was too deep and this group was a majority of my social life.

Anyways, we had more arguments as the year progressed. Many of them were superficial and won't be mentioned but I still stayed with this group. However, we weren't the same, we never will be. I was slowly drifting away, I couldn't stand it. Everything I thought this group was in the beginning changed. I couldn't be who I wanted anymore, there were expectations and rules to be followed. This wasn't something I could put up with for a long time. I had to get away.

But there was another twist. One of them fell for me. She thought I was cute, funny, and smart. She was in love with me. This brings up the topic of love. I am not good with it, not at all. Every girl that I've ever liked hasn't returned my feelings. I have no luck with getting girls. After so many failures, I had given up. I was not looking to start a relationship and I just couldn't handle trying again. The girl that liked me, had liked me for two years. Two straight years. She was least argumentative of the group and always supported many of the things I said, and laughed at all my jokes. I should have seen it earlier but I was blind to it. I never noticed once. When I found out, I felt so bad. You see, when I first met her, I had decided that I was not going to pursue her and that the closest she was ever going to be to me was a good friend. When I found out, I felt so bad because I knew what it was like to be in her shoes. I knew what it was like to like someone but not have them like you back. I talked to one of her friends about it, she was part of the group. Well it turns out, they didn't keep secrets between friends. They knew that she liked me but didn't tell me. So much for not keeping secrets. Guess I wasn't part of the loop. Anyways, I told them I knew and I asked them for help. I wanted to let her down easy and try my best not to hurt her. Not even ten minutes after I told her, she told the third member of the group and the two of them told the girl that liked me. So much for letting her down easy. The girl that liked me texted me, confirming that I knew she liked me. She said, "You probably know this but I like you". That conversation will forever be ingrained in my memory. Well I told her I didn't like her more than a friend and she said, "Yeah I know, that is what saddens me the most". At that moment, I hated the other two girls in the group so much. I couldn't believe they could do that to me. Forget me, how could they do that to her? I thought they were friends. She treats them like they are her best friends and they turn around and stab her in the back like that. I couldn't do that to any of my friends, even if I hated them more than anything in the world. That was the final push for me.

From that day on, I never brought up anything personal on the chat group, summer had started so I barely saw them anymore, and I only got on the chat group once a week, twice at most. I stopped hanging out with them and made up excuses to get away from them. But that didn't last long. Today I went with them to an amusement park that had miniature golf and laser tag. The new girl brought a date and the other one wasn't able to go. That left me and the girl who liked me. The only good thing about today was the guy. We talked and he kept the mood from spiraling into disaster.

My plans from here on out are simple. I am going to get away from this group. I hope that I have little to no classes with any of them when school starts again. That way, the split between us will be faster, easier, and will have less complaints courtesy of the new girl. The only problem is getting out of the chat group. I can't just leave because there are four of us and it will notify them as soon as I leave. If I do that, I am afraid that they will ask me what is wrong and I can't just take it out on them. As much as they hurt me, I can't hurt them back. It's wrong and not something I can live with. Any ideas? Review below or PM me with comments.

**Day 1, complete!**


End file.
